July 1, 2018
It’s been a long time since I wrote in my WordPress, but thanks to the wonderful Sarah Chang, I I’ll start writing in in regularly. She recommended writing things down, because she ran across an old journal of hers and felt so tremendously happy and encouraged from running across a journal she had written a year ago.
The previous week, we had a sermon on compassion, and it really struck a cord with me because of the immigration crisis going on right now. Saturday night, my perspective was “It is not the responsibility of the United States government to repair the failures of the government of Honduras.” After the sermon, I felt like I really needed to examine my thoughts. I find that especially true after today’s sermon, going in to the Fourth of July, as my country celebrates two-hundred and forty-seven years. Not only am I grateful for the freedoms granted to me by birth, some stories in other nations have helped me to realize how precious these freedoms are, and to not take them for granted. I was going to ask about it at the last meet of Starting Point, but in retrospect I’m glad we were out of time, as I needed to hear what Bobby preached today with my full heart to reaffirm my questions. I’m holding them for our next meet, the month-after follow-up for Starting Point, and greatly look forward to understanding how I might make a difference for those desperate for a better life.
Also in the previous week, Tina stopped returning my calls. I thought because she had moved to a new job her schedule and mine might finally be free enough to start dating, but if I don’t hear from her, I’ll obviously have to give up. At the periphery of my thoughts was the temptation to be reckless in my sexuality, but I just feel that would be so immature. Ryan’s story shared today in our Sunday School class also served as an encouragement not go down that road. I was able to catch up with him and tell him what I’d been holding onto since his wife, Haley, had shared. I was really looking forward to the other half of their story, and feel blessed that I was able to attend and receive his story today. I didn’t anticipate how much his story I would see reflected in my own journey, and telling him about what ended a past relationship and how she and I were able to come back together and resolve our unfinished business was a relief. It gradually loses power over me with each person I tell.
On the positive side, I signed up for insurance through my employer, which is the second time I’ve had that opportunity, and it feels like the first because all I had before was health insurance, and that was for less than a year. It truly marks a milestone, having health, dental, vision, accident, and disability insurance. As I look at the past six months, I recognize how far I’ve come in my life, how much I’ve been able to change, and that my growth can only continue. Last week, I began to feel like I had stagnated, but I was quickly able to realize when I had before asked “Where am I going? What am I doing?,” It was because I didn’t have enough direction. I now realize that in a half-year, I have applied so much of the Church to my life that I finished the beginning of what I needed: collecting and shaping the tools of self-discipline and win-win thinking. With continued direction and guidance, I know I’ll collect and shape new tools, and help others to find theirs.
Before I forget, I have to mention Sarah’s husband, Dan Chang, made a wonderful offer of asking if there was anything he could do to help in my return to higher education. I told him the great news I heard from my primary job, that they might be adding a third shift at the end of the year, and how that would coincide with getting back on in-state tuition. Should those two coincide, I feel like I could really tackle it and climb the mountain I’d failed to summit before. I told Dan that right now, I could definitely see myself turning to him when things are tough, as he is a college graduate, and I can’t think of a closer friend who I would trust more to lift me up when I need it.
I had no idea what a difference it would make in my life to return to my Faith. My heart is overflowing with love and compassion now. My expectations are more measured and reasonable. My goals are being reached, and it’s all because on the advice of a dear friend who has become family I chose to move back home at exactly the right time. The 2018 theme of Pritchard was to “Revive, Renew, and Recreate.” It could not have taken stronger hold in me. Upon renewal of Faith, my growth has been revived, and it’s now my mission to recreate this journey with others.