December 30, 2018
We’re on the verge of a new year, and I think it’s marking the time for some changes. My Mother and I can’t seem to get along anymore. It’s been a year and somehow it seems we’ve just fallen into irreconcilable differences. She’s always been difficult to live with, but now she’s become more controlling than ever. Or at least she’s attempting. The fact that I’m not the same submissive boy I was when I left has led to an awful lot of butting heads. My favorite empty threat so far was that she threatened to give my entire inheritance to my brother. I wish she would so that I could be proven right in the knowledge that she doesn’t love me unconditionally. I wouldn’t say we’re beyond help but if we’re going to find it, one of us needs to make the move soon. I have no doubt that burden will fall on me. She spends her entire life looking at nonsense on her phone, but can’t be bothered to use it to do anything useful.
Anyway, work was definitely on the weird side this week. And now she’s outside my room again, demanding to speak with me. Well, that was productive. She tried to interrupt me in the middle of writing and again displayed her nastiest attitude when I calmly explained I was busy and refused to open the door. This is positively unproductive. Anyway, about work. With Christmas Eve and Day off, we got pushed back two days, which included working on my Brother’s birthday. That was terrible and not fun at all. It’s going to be weird next week as well, because we’ll have New Year’s Eve and Day off… and now she just threw a cup at my door. I believe it’s just been proven positive that we can’t live together anymore with that action. She wants to lecture me about not behaving like an adult. Now that’s a laugh. Here I am just trying to focus and write a simple weekly journal but if it doesn’t suit her, it can’t happen. Everything has to be on her time frame. I don’t think there’s a point attempting to reconcile the differences after all. She’s said before she doesn’t care, and it’s well shown through her actions. It’s definitely time to start looking for another place to live. I’ve had enough and won’t be disrespected by someone who claims to love me.
But back to work. We’ll have to work Friday and Saturday again, then have Sunday off, then have to work again on Monday. I know it’s going to be an absolute grind, but after that on Saturday there will be a concert that I have free tickets for so I’m sure it’ll be worth it to have that escape.
I didn’t make it to Church today, which I definitely regret. Perhaps I should make not missing it a resolution instead. I was doing rather well until the Winter months hit. At the very least, I need to keep my resolution of reading more, and follow the “Reading the Bible in One Year” plan.
Beyond that, I can’t focus right now. Might as well publish this and get it over with.